Rape where our centres are... and discipline or self discipline?
27.04.12
Rape where our centres are... and discipline or self discipline?
I sometimes pass the turnoff to Dobsonville where that horrific rape of the young mentally disabled girl happened and was filmed by the young rapists. I have not been to Dobsonville but it is unlikely to be very different from Slovoville or Tsepisong although sometimes small unhealthy subcultures can be set up and be particular to one small are. But not rape. With a million rapes a year in South Africa and a child raped every three minutes Interpol maintains we are on top of the world’s rape statistics – what an honour...(From Janet Smith in the Star 26.04.12) we are a very sick society.
Then I read that a government minister said in the Star ‘The parents must discipline their children’. Well maybe – but what does this discipline mean and have the parents got much self-discipline themselves?
Only self-discipline really helps to make people behave well. People who only behave in particular ways because they might otherwise be punished are dangerous to society – just like children in over authoritarian homes the minute the parents back is turned they will misbehave.
But where does self-discipline come from – this is so complex – and yet actually many parents manage to help their children to become self-disciplined.
People will be self-disciplined because they see the reasons for the rules of society, they care about the good of others, they respect themselves and the rights of others, they are cared for and care for their family and friends and society in general, they tolerate difference and respect the rights of others to be different...
But to become self-disciplined one needs caregivers who are nurturing, empathetic, sympathetic, loving, tolerant, consistent and above all THERE to be used as a role model. Emotionally healthy parents create emotionally healthy children. Emotionally unhealthy parents have a much harder time of bringing up an emotionally healthy child. We all make mistakes – that’s ok – it’s the ‘most of the time’ good enough (Winnicott) parenting that makes the real difference.
Just an example – Children watch their parents or others drive from early childhood. If their parents pass other cars on solid lines, don’t insist on seat belts, chat or sms on their cell phones while driving, hoot and gesticulate at slower traffic, never let anyone in, drive up too close behind the driver in front , drive up to the traffic lights fast and then screech to a halt– that is often what they will do when they become drivers. But if they are lucky enough to have calm, patient, self- disciplined good drivers as parents they will very likely also be that kind of driver...