Child headed households and expensive funerals...
A young man of 19 died in Slovoville last week. I had never met him so cannot claim any personal sorrow. His mother had died 2 months before. He leaves behind a sister of 18 and a brother of 15. Both mother and son were very ill before they died. Yes, the 18 year old girl will be able to apply for a child care grant for the young boy, and they can speak to a teacher at their school and he may be able to get food at school. But now a young girl has to take on responsibilities I would hate even my 21 year old daughter to take on. I also wonder at the grief that will have to be bourne without a loving, wiser and older person to mediate and care for these two children. I object to 'child headed househoulds' and so wish us South African adults could find a way to let our young people be young people and have the care and protection of their elders. An 18 year old girl without parents or an older caregiver is so vulnerable and so alone. Just because a child is looking after his/her family does not mean s/he likes it or that it is good for his/her development - or that we can expect him/her to be even an adequate parent! It is not a romantic situation - it is a hard, sad, lonely situation opening the children to all sorts of abuse by unscrupulous or criminal adults and an uncaring social and governmental system.
I was asked to find contributions to his funeral - but already I am overextended helping living children live, stay alive and learn to live a satisfying and fulfilling life - and to become responsible and caring parents. I hope the young man is laid to rest with dignity and kindness but cannot support large amounts of money going to funerals when I know that Heaven won't count it against him that his coffin does not have brass handles and will treat him in just the same way as someone buried in a solid gold coffin. My 94 year old great aunt requested to be cremated in an unpainted pine box with rough rope handles. Her funeral was very dignified nevertheless. Yes - I do respect cultural rights and practises - but the way we run funerals in 2012 is very different and much more expensive to those held 200 years ago - so is it really a cultural neccessity? Or am I being horribly unkind and extremely deficient in tolerance and understanding? I wish some high profile South African would show the way with modest coffins and funerals - to free our poor from such a financial burden society seems to expect from them.