Child abuse is everywhere and dealing with it is complex...
A little boy in one of our centres was very quiet when he first arrived. He never spoke. He had come from a Kwa Zulu Natal Grade R class. Slowly he started to talk. And eventually he told his teacher that at his old school if a child talked in class (Grade R’s are supposed to talk in class!!!) they would be made to balance on their thumbs and toes for a long time. Try it – it is an excruciating torture. It is also against the law, it shames, removes personal freedom – all sorts of things. And it shuts children up and down. And probably lights a terribly angry and violent fire inside them.
This weekend I attended an Ethics workshop run by the IPCP (I have to collect Ethics points for my CPD points for the HPPC) on working in multi-disciplinary teams and how boundaries become porous sometimes – and of course how to work to keeping the boundaries!
But also we talked extensively about how difficult it is to find the ‘correct’ people to inform if we suspect child abuse. There actually are phone numbers to phone to let people know that we suspect something but need to find out more. As a mental health professional and pre-school teacher I know that I must report any suspected or actual child abuse. The how is always the problem. Police won’t act on ‘suspicions’, if the child is being abused by a family member reporting it can lead to the child simply disappearing into far flung family. Social workers are extremely overburdened. In reality only the more obvious signs of abuse really come to light. And all too often one needs very concrete proof before anything can be done...which is not always easy to get. So unless we know that the child is in present danger and there are real indications of this we can do almost nothing...
So when I hear about people rioting, looting shops and so on in Diepsloot because of the gruesome murder of small children it gives me to think...
Really most of those protesting are probably doing it because of their need for expressing their own internal pains and frustrations. Imagine if the police arrest one of the protesters for this crime? Would the protesters start burning things about that? The same people who shouted and screamed about Anene Boysens rape and murder seem to now be supporting her attacker. This sort of protest will bring no real change for children.
Child abuse in South Africa is a complex matter. Neglect is probably the chief among the abuses – and perhaps people find this hard to believe, but it is in many ways more toxic to children than being beaten. Now the mothers in Diepsloot (fathers where are you?) are saying they won’t let their toddlers out of their sight. Actually, parents are supposed to never let their toddlers out of their sight always...so it speaks to the profound neglect of children when they aren’t being cared for in a way appropriate to their age. I know very well that this vigilance will relax and disappear all too soon.
Living in shacks, always vulnerable to fire, crime, illness, hunger, very little care is child abuse. I should be reporting all those children to the relevant authorities. I am still trying to work through this almost impenetrable idea that 18 month year olds are safe wondering the streets with many of my students. I am told it is culture; it is excused in many ways. Really I am afraid that it is a deep seated resentment of children and the demands they place on the lives of the adults. I have to understand this and I know very well that in the same situation I would have resented being caregiver to children in those difficult circumstances. I am not judging, just stating fact.
And let’s not forget the abuse of children in middle class families either. If a doctor abuses their child that poor child may find it much harder to get help than a poor child abused by her mother boyfriend.
Really we need to change the childhoods of all our children in significant ways to help to bring down child abuse in SA. We need to be thoughtful; we need to create places where parents can get parenting support and information i about being parents. We also urgently need young pre- and primary school children to understand the facts of life and have places to explore what good healthy relationships with others really mean.
We also need to be careful about who we allow into the teaching profession so that we do not have abusive, emotionally damaged people becomimg teachers. And teachers need support so that their frustrations do not get taken out on children...